I'm still here
by Last.Laugh.Of.The.HyenWolf
Summary: Sometimes you need to lose something to realize what you always had. Sonadow


_**I finally got round to watching Yuri on ice! A bit late I know but I'm one of those weirdos who does like watching something and being buried in the hype so I always wait till later for stuff like that but it was a fun anime and it inspired this little dew drop of awwww? So brace your selves for the emotions.**_

 _ **... About Wintertide (yeah i call it that now because I feel that the word all in the title is stronger on it's own ad fits the situation perfectly). It's ging to be on the slow side for forming it, I'm making the chapter segments in a weird way and it's kinda deciding when stuf shpould happen. If you think this stuff is planned.. it's really not, I even fucked up on mapping of Mobius itself... anyway for your awaited entertainment I give you...**_

...

 **I'm Still Here**

It's so cold out here . It is late December right now and I've decided to come out in the middle of the night. Not my smartest move. Still, I'm not out here on an impulsive notion. I've been having a really bad feeling all evening.

It's been a whole year I've seen Chad. That's the longest he's ever been away so far. It's not anything new really. He's away quite often now, outside of the country even. It's not always been like this though.

Our lives together began when we were just kids. If I knew the words back then, I would have to describe Chad as a real smart-ass. Sure we all were back then but he was like that in his own we. He was prideful, self assured, not easily intimidated and just a little ill tempered. Just a little.

Life was never boring with him around. I always admired him for that, Like adventure was on the very next turn on our road of youth. As time went on, those feelings changed into something that carried a little more affection.

We never really knew that much about Chadwick's past. He was just there one day a kid that was an odd fit in the house of an elderly couple who's children had all already left home. He never really talked about were he came from. We never pried. I want to believe that in our small, quiet town, among us small town kids, he was happy.

There was another quirk he had that the world would come to enjoy. He was a true prodigy on the ice rink. We didn't pick up on it until we were coming close to our double digits. Of course, the adults his potential for stardom much sooner.

Soon they made him take part in competitions: from the junior contests to the local competitions, taking him through to the national championships and soon enough, he was fighting against the world.

Somewhere in there, he would also go to specialist lessons held outside of town and as I imagine, go though some sort of vigorous training to keep in the desire form. We barely ever seen him at school anymore, It's a wonder that he could keep his grades in the higher ranks among the truly academic lot of the class. I was hardly like that.

Still, He's got to be lonely out there on his own. I want to think that he is meeting with people in a similar world to his who can relate to him on the level of sportsmanship. I somehow doubt that very much. An even smaller part of me, doesn't want that for him.

It doesn't want to be forgotten.

With this, Chad starts being the ghost in our lives, that doesn't mean that he's gone completely. There's the odd day that I was lucky enough to catch him during his practice. He would sometimes go to the local ice rink near the center of town. It wasn't anything grant, It was more for local entertainment then for practice drills. If he wasn't there then he would go to the outskirts of town and skate on the azure lake; usually in January time when the water carried a thick layer of ice.

I'm not a crazed fan of ice skating, I hardly know the sports or its rules but I swear, when I watch Chad take to the ice, he makes it into an art. He makes it his own.

It's always an admirable thing for me when you watch somebody pour their soul into their work but when the soul itself turns into artistry, it's a real marvel. I always felt like I was being let into an arcane side of his true personality. The Chadwick that wasn't being restrained by the direction already set in his dissented global conquest.

In his free style skating I saw it. I saw the freedom, the determination, the strength, the love. He really did love this sport from the very pit of his being. I don't know if anybody else would have this level of understanding when they see him move on the ice but I'm glad that I do. It's the lip of a connection that will never speak itself to the outside world.

I thought I was fine with that.

Ironically, when we talked to each other, there wasn't anything intimate in our conversation. Our words never carried anything deep or meaningful. I had a feeling that that would be like egg shells for him, or maybe I should have been bolder about it.

I did notice how he'd matured over the years. He's definitely lost the brash behavior he had when we were kinds. He was more composed, a little reserved but definitely calmer. He definitely acted older then I would. he was older, just by a year. He'd grown up handsome to. I wont say it though. I suppose he would have to. It's one of life's cheats along with skill, wealth and good connections.

We usually just talked about the things we'd seen or either end of spectrum that was our lives; his life as an uprising celeb of sorts and me as a wannabe musician. In the space of a few months, He would have gone half way across the month, more than once even. He would be fitting to hold medals and trophies against foreign adversaries and wowing the crowds left and right.

Meanwhile, I was left here, an undiscovered musician, trying to improve my musical talents with my vocals and my guitar skills. I can compose some descent stuff basic digital music programs but I like to come back to the acoustics. I was part of a band, classic high school life but we all move on sooner then we won't. I was the youngest member so was left behind and now I gotta try to make it on my own.

Although my parents would prefer that I went for something more stable like a doctor or something, but I only liked two things, running and music. Among those choices, music has the more freedom to it. If Chad was going to live his passion than so would I. It's somewhat of my guilty tribute to him. After all, thinking of him seems to bring out the best in my music. It's the best I can do being as we couldn't get any closer.

This year made things very different though. Chad was away for the whole year. Finally, after his life long labor, he proved himself ready to compete in the Grand Prix. Just at age 16. When you look at the other competitors who are seeing their 20s, he's really done amazingly. But that was were it was ending.

Most of the townies followed Chad on TV while he was competing this year. Seeing him battle through each trial, Struggling immensely at times. He never made it through the semi-finals. It was painful to watch some of the mistakes he made when he was out on the ice, some of them that could have been avoided.

When you saw him on the short interviews, he seemed worn out. The passion for the sport was completely absent from his eyes. Was he being over worked? Was he not getting enough sleep. Maybe he just finally caved under all the pressure, the expectations and the judgement from yes that he had never met but would always be decided on his fate.

It must be so painful for him, he is so good at this but to end this way. I almost cried. In a way it's even more worse for him. The Robotniks, his guardians, have a bit of a reputation in this town. They were business owners but they had a really cold to people. When they took in Chad, they probably hoped to get another puppet to who was competent to serve in their company.

When they found out about Chad's hidden talent, they nurtured it, purely for a new business venture. They became his managers and pulled Chad along by their manipulative strings. I'm not sure how they will treat him after this crushing defeat. They left the stadium quickly without a word, on the run from the press.

After the Grand Prix, They all came back to Knothole, none of them were wearing any smiles. Even Chad, who's composure wasn't easily weathered became sheepish around the Robotniks, it was really hard to watch. The town still held a big festival of sorts for Chad's return. It became more of a consolation for his efforts than a celebration, still we wanted him to know that not all was lots that day. It hardly lifted his mood.

While the party was still premature, he'd managed to vanish before I could even talk to him. I guess he was still caring the embarrassment from it all. After all, If you didn't win, it wasn't a victory. I'm sure that's what the Robotniks told him in their own twisted way.

I would have left it at that but here I am now. Wondering through the blackness of the northern woods, at 11 in the night, freezing my ass off. I think I know where he's gone, I'd be crazy at this hour. Here in the freezing cold where the snow falls early, in the desolation that none of the forest animals want no part of.

The frosty flakes are falling thick and vast, whitening the ground with their touch. It's been like this since the party ended, which wasn't that late in the night. It's the only way that I can navigate where I'm going. At the same time, the snowy curtain really puts off my advances, but I need to keep going.

Final after at least an hour or so of walking, The naked black veins of the forest become less, clearing the way to a dark shiny surface on the ground. I'm Finally at the azure lake. So far, the only thing that as greeted me is the sneering silence of winter's night. Even the snow's stopped falling. That along with the ominous feeling this place give of telling me to turn back.

I walk along the edge slowly. I know better than to walk on the ice. Just because the weather is freezing doesn't mean that the lake is completely frozen. Nobody showed ever go on the lake until mid January, when winter is at it's coldest. Even then, I never liked to be on the lake.

I fell through the ice when I was little. That there is the most terrifying experience I ever had. Being complicatedly submerged in the frozen depths is one thing. The scariest part the water somehow pulls you away from your only escape, trapping you in it's cruel embrace while you cling to that huge breath of air that stings at you lungs until the pain is too much and you begrudgingly accept. Even the people above me didn't what to do. Their frantic calls muffled by the ice. I was lucky that I survived. What scares me more is that luck like that doesn't always happen.

So yeah, that's another reason why you wont see me on the ice anytime soon.

From where I'm standing, the angle allows me to see most of the lake. I'm stand on ground level though so some of the lake is obscured by the dark trees. The moon peeks down at the forest from the darkened haze. It illuminates the lake as the light of it's stage. It's obscenely scenic.

It looks like I'm the only here. It gives me some level of comfort. He probably just confined himself to his room. I'm about to turn back fir home when I hear it. A harsh click with the distinct sound of metal blades grazing the ice with great momentum. Coming out of the distance, moving swifter than a bat. A male form sails the ice.

On approach I recognized Chad's slender figure. Ah! He's got me spellbound again with the grace he had in the days before the Grand Prix. He's collected and decisive in his motions. Aggressive and delicate in all the right points of his free form, flowing into each figure with near seductive poise.

He's too caught up in his own tempo to notice that I'm here. Thanks to the darkened trees, I'm just another shadow in the night. I almost want to let him go on in his release from the year that's just gone. I really missed this.

Looking carefully at the way he moves, It feels a bit odd compared to his usual style, almost desperate. Suddenly the rhythm is broken when the weight under him gave in slightly with a crunch. He hit a weak spot on the ice. It doesn't deter his swing so he gets up and caries on as if nothing happened.

What is he thinking? The ice is unstable, he could end up sinking down into the lake and I don't know if I'll be able to save him from that.

Then it Finally dawns on me.

Out here alone.

Dancing over an partially frozen lake.

Skating as much as he can before the final curtain is drawn.

He wouldn't, would he?

He trips over again, taking a little while longer to recover. I swear I saw the splashing of water when he fell and then some droplets falls from his leg when he was getting up.

He's doing this on purpose. Did the loss at the Grand Prix really drive him this far.

Chad stop it, you're scaring me.

His actions are too clear to deny.

I catch myself when I try to call out out to him. The sound never leaves my mouth. Never had I had so much emotion be poured into any of our past exchanges. It's almost too much to bare, it really hurts. Knowing what could happen makes it hurt even more.

I call to him again. My voice finally meets the air but he's oblivious to it. He 's entranced in his own sick ritual of sacrifice. The skating slowly takes him out to the lake. The sense that was previously in my brain ran into has rushed head first into my legs as adrenaline as they slowly take me onto the lake. I take great strides in my approach until I find my self slipping occasionally on the ice. This really slows my pace, just so I can get a steady advance.

I call out to him more desperately now, my voice frantic, nearly shaky.

Why are you always so far away when I to reach out for you.

Where am I in your world.

Came back to me.

Come to me Chad

"Chad!"

"CHAD!"

His rhythm breaks again, but not from a fall. His skates lose the velocity he was previously gliding over the ice with, coming to a couple halt. After all this, he finally looks my way. His face wearing a really dumbfounded look. I can't help the smile that invades my face. Though, his body language becomes reserved like I've been seeing way too often.

"You shouldn't be here Maurice, It's not safe out this late" His voice got real deep as well, It almost husky from the exertion he put out just now.

"Should say the same about." I can't hide the shiver in my voice if I tried thanks to the cold.

I've been sandwiching myself in layers upon layers of padded insulation and I still feel the cold. Taking a look at tall, dark and handsome in front of me, he's just wearing a turtle neck blouse and some sweatpants that are a snug fit.

"That's none of you busine-."

"Let's go home Chad, we can talk everything over after we get some sleep but for now let's go..."

It's almost too fast. For a split second, I see Chad flinch towards me before the whole forest completely disappears, leaving only darkness. Shock held my body in a gentle paralysis. The water has enveloped me completely into it's grasp. The cold is numbing, I barely feel it. I didn't get to catch a breath. I look up, some of the ice is has caped the whole I fell through. This is familiar.

Somehow, I'm not scared right now. I guess, because I know that this was inevitable at this point. I know that I wont get the same luck I did back then. It's alright, I got to see him one last time. I got to see his words his body spoke when he swooped over his turf on the ice. I hope he finds himself and he can reconcile with everything.

I don't try to hold the last of the air in my lungs, there was barely any to begin with, I feel weirdly tired. I guess this is it. Only noises are muffled by the monster embodying the water. I feel lighter and everything becomes dark, so dark.

I failed to notice the disturbance in the water next to me. The small air bubbles that surround it return to the surface. I never notice it's approach and it's embrace.

Air is rushing in and out of my body way to fast. My head is spinning, hazed it confusion and the starvation of oxygen. I'm a panting mess. Shallow, fast breaths are slowly working through my body until I can clear my head. It takes me a little while before can evaluate this new situation.

I'm laying down on the ground, in the forest because I was looking for Chadwick. I'm completely soaked through from the unintentional dive. Somehow, even in my wet form, I'm not feeling the cold like I should be.

That's probably to not good.

It takes a a few minutes to realize that something really heavy is weighing over half of my body. I open my eyes to see Chad panting just as breathes turn into vapors in the cold night. Water is literally dripping from him. His facial features are lightly flushed, mine are too probably. His eyes are cast directly on me, with an unreadable expression. Was he scared? Is he angry? Does he hate me?

Right now, our bodies are so close.

Wow!

He's literally holding me in his arms right now.

We've never been this close in proximity, not ever when we were kids.

"WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?"

He bursts out through the hasty air exchange. He was more aggravated by what just happened just now. Looking at him now, his eyes look a little red. Was he crying earlier. He's wearing a really distraught face now. I'm still trying to get my head around the absurdity of the situation, I don't even know how to react or what I should say. It's probably for the best right now because for once Chadwick's got a lot to say.

"You're not the one who wants to die so why even.

You've got a life to live for yourself. You don't have to go back to that dam house and here the waste of an entire lifetime you've become.

You don't have to wait to here what you're life will become for the next five years, about how you were made to live or how your suppose to pay the world back for your failures.

You have a home that you can go back to you home and live therefor the rest of your life if you wanted, you don't have to wonder about the next place you'll be dumped in.

You can be whatever you want.

You've got friends and a real loving family, people that give a shit so why would you pull that shit?"

His dips onto the top of my torso and secures itself there.

As he went on this tangent, he his angry slowly wavered into distraught sobs. In all the years I've known him I've never seen him let out emotions that intense. In a way, it felt like he was talking more to himself than me. Instead of trying to work off his pain in that aggressive figure skating he was doing back there, he's finally letting it go.

This pain that's not just from the past month's short comings, but years of frustrating and loneliness. Being away so often and being faced with peers who were his adversaries, he was probably never able to open up to anyone like this. He's really at his limit.

I feel like I let him down. It really is the Roboniks fault for trying to turn their 'son' into a business venture. I remember how even if I was really young when Chad came to Knothole, I was still surprise by the fact the the Ronotniks would willingly adopt and a little worried about the turn out. It took 10 years to confirm that fact.

Still, I feel like I could have done more for him. I know that catching him to hangout was like a blue moon. But when I did, I could have helped him to relieve all that heavy baggage, some of it at least. I was always to scared that I would be putting him of by going into stuff that personal. I gotta admit that it was partly out of selfishness. I didn't want to risk losing him and look where that got us now.

Even so, no matter how he feels about the world right now, I want him to know.

 _I'm still here._

"Sorry, did you say something just now"

"I'm still here here for you Chad.

I know that this year didn't go the way you wanted but everything is going to be okay, It's not the end."

We're both silent for a bit. He lifts his head up. His face looks like he's trying to discern whether I'm being sincere or not. Somehow, despite how heavy the mood is right now, I find it easier to open up a bit know.

"You know, you always inspired me Chad. I know your situation wasn't completely out of choice. I always loved to watch you skate when you were on the lake. You were really good in the competitions too but you were always in your own when you did it on the lake. You really do love skating from the bottom of your heart. It made me appreciate what I could do with music. I'm actually trying for it so I can make a career out of it and hopefully make a descent living.

I'm not doing it just for the money or fame though, I really love singing and being able to play. I just want to live free with my music. You even inspired a lot of songs I made.

I don't really know what you really think of me but I always remembered the friend I grew up with when we were little kids. I still miss that part of you sometimes. I know we've never really talked about anything serious but I always thought about you when you were away. Wondering how things were going and I was always happy when you came back to town the see us.

I always wanted to say this but I was never sure about whether you'd want that or not, You already went through a lot when you first came to town.

Even though things have been rough lately, from now on, I want you to remember me, because I'll always be here for you. So don't you think to say tat you on you own, because I'm still here as your friend."

I wanted to say that he was even more to me than that, but that's not what this was about. Right now, I'm trying to get back someone I care about whose been away and lost for way to long.

His eyes like at me with emotions I cannot place.

Did I get through to him?

We're both silent for a while, our softened breaths are the only ambiance as breathing is finally leveled enough. I'd be truly flustered right, in the given situation as Chad's bigger body is on top of mine, keeping me from moving to a respectful distance.

I'm still feeling the high of my brain's fasting of oxygen. I'm still not feeling the cold of the night air like I should be. My arms are folded in a way that I can see my hands, My fingers are completely white, right up to my knuckles.

Then out of nowhere, Chad lowers his head on on mine. At first our noses touch briefly before brushing each other, allowing the touch down of his forehead on mine. His damp nature jet black against my artificial electric was the jump start my senses needed. I still couldn't get up because he was frickin on top of me. Now that I think about I can feel his body heat, which is really radiant thanks to his previous exercise. It's almost siring compared to the outdoor temperatures. Or maybe that's my own heat, touched by the adrenaline.

We stayed like this for a little while, his arms were embracing me a little tighter than before. He was really holding onto me.I almost though that I felt his body quake a few times, not from the cold. That's something that's not really on our minds. Has he ever been able to hold onto someone like this.

I then start to feel his hands move down to my waist before they trace up my torso. It feels like he's trying to drag something up my body. At one point, I feel his hot fingers grazes the skin of my lower abdomen. I can't help the reflexive shudder.

Does he even realize what he's doing right now? Our eyes are directly locked on each other. He is definitely aware of his actions. His eyes are awake and full of intent, this makes it all so much worse.

"Your clothes." He mutters under his breath.

"What?" It comes out more breathless then I wanted, how else was I supposed to react.

" Your going to have to lose some of the layers, It's going to be heavy with the water. It's not good for you to stay in wet clothes with the weather like this."

Oh that's what he was talking about.

... Wait a sec.

"We're not going back in town naked are we?"

"No you idiot, Just lose the coat and hoodie. It's going to be heavy for you too walk with."

"Oh right."

He finally leans off of me. He sits himself on my legs, resuming to his earlier job. I sit up slightly and lift my arms to giving him an easier time with this. The coat and hoodie slips off nicely to then be discarded to the side. The night air touches my damp being a little to closely, I'm shivering.

Chad helps me up to my feet with one swift move of his arm. He brings me in close contact with his form and keeps me there with his have firmly planted in my back.

"This is the best I can do until we get back to home, just bare it for now yeah"

I wont protest, Still, this was a little more contact then I was prepared for tonight. My face must be so red right now.

We start to head back to Knothole like this. We both grew up in Knothole so even in the dark, We know the way back quite well. We also have the snow to thank. It's quite deep tonight so it kept my prints, making this a lot easier.

It's been an hour since we started heading back. We've come to the edge of the forest, to the main road that leads to town through the country side. I would've been home by know but that dip from earlier slowed me down quite a bit. It might have done more harm then I had fought. the side of me that's touching Chad is warm, turns out his body naturally radiates quite a bit of heat naturally, but only does so much.

I feel so tired right now, so... out of it.

 _Maybe we could stop for a bit, we're almost there after all._

As soon as I end that though, I barely register my loss of balance, the sudden contact with the ground and the haziness that I can't shake.

Everything is dark and blurred out, not because of the time of night. With any sense, I should be getting up. I can't really right now.

I'm a little too tire to respond to Chad's relentless shaking of my body, to no avail. The last thing I remember is hearing Chad's uncharacteristically, agitated voice, calling for help. We're not far from town now and there is a night patrol that would circulate around here so that makes sense.

Still everything keeps getting darker until it's completely black an with it, the silence.

...

 _ **Well, we're finally here, just a little something that brood itself into my brain, Maybe I'll leave it there for now, Maybe I'll leave it there for ever. In this fanfic we had Chadwick Robotnik (Shadow) and Maurice Lockwood (Sonic). I made it vague because I wasn't sure to have them as mobians or humans in this, still that's not the point of the story. I was trying doing a POV perspective from a young point of view, just as a try out. I'm sorry for all those who have been waiting expectantly for some chapters to come out. I'm not setting pace so bare with me. That's not counting any stories that have been long left behind. Well there's this in the meantime so enjoy. Till next time.**_


End file.
